张宗昌（1881年2月13日－1932年9月3日）字效坤，中国山东省莱州府掖县（今莱州市）人。中华民国时期军事将领，奉系要人。
应网友要求，英译张宗昌诗14首。无暇详考所谓《效坤诗钞》，不确定中文原诗真实性和准确性，仅供娱乐。
游泰山
远看泰山黑糊糊，
上头细来下头粗。
如把泰山倒过来，
下头细来上头粗。
Tour to Mount Tai
From afar Mount Tai looks dark,
Its top is small and bottom large.
If Mount Tai turns upside-down,
Its bottom small and top is large.
天上闪电
忽见天上一火链，
好像玉皇要抽烟。
如果玉皇不抽烟，
为何又是一火链。
Lightning in the Sky
Out of the blue came a chain of fire,
As if God needs to puff a square.
If God ain't need to puff a square,
How come there's one more chain of fire?
笑刘邦
听说项羽力拔山，
吓得刘邦就要窜。
不是俺家小张良，
奶奶早已回沛县。
LOL at Emperor Gao
The Hegemon-King is strong and big—
Hearing this, Gao's fleeing like a pig.
If it wasn't for my ancestor, Chang,
Emperor Gao'd be back at home, shit.
大明湖
大明湖，明湖大。
大明湖里有荷花。
荷花上面有蛤蟆，
一戳一蹦达。
Great-Ming Lake
Great-Ming Lake, the Ming Lake's great,
There's lotsa loti in the Great-Ming Lake.
On the loti there's a toad,
It hops when I poke.
大明湖（同题）
大明湖，明湖大，
大明湖里有蛤蟆。
蛤蟆叫，咕儿呱，
咕儿呱咕儿呱咕儿呱！
Great-Ming Lake (Alter. ver.)
Great-Ming Lake, the Ming Lake's great,
There's a toad in the Great-Ming Lake.
The toad chirps, kokak-kokak,
kokak-kokak-kokak-kokak!
趵突泉
趵突泉，泉趵突，
三股水，光咕嘟，
咕嘟咕嘟光咕嘟！
Spurting Spring
Spurting Spring, the spring's spurting,
Three jets of water, gurgling, popping, bubbling,
gurgling, popping, bubbling, gurgling, popping, bubbling!
游蓬莱阁
好个蓬莱阁，
他妈真不错。
神仙能到的，
俺也坐一坐。
靠窗摆下酒，
对海唱高歌。
来来猜几拳，
舅子怕喝多！
Tour to P'englai Pagoda
P'englai Pagoda is good,
God-damn fucking good.
If gods could've been here before,
Well I'ma gonna sit here too.
Wines on the table by the window,
Ocean outside, hear my canto.
Come my men let's play morra,
Who the fuck's afraid to be a wino!
游西方
早听西方好，
他妈真不孬。
本想多玩玩，
睁眼却没了。
Tour to the West
I'd heard the West is good,
Damn it was really not bad.
I'd planned to have more fun,
Then I woke up and it's gone.
无题
要问女人有几何，
俺也不知多少个。
昨天一孩喊俺爹，
不知他娘是哪个？
Untitled
How many women have I got?
I have got fucking no idea.
Yesterday a kid called me Dad.
I said, who the hell is your Mom?
混蛋诗
你叫我去这样干，
他叫我去那样干。
真是一群小混蛋，
全都混你妈的蛋。
Shit Poem
You asked me to do this shit,
He asked me to do that shit.
Oh my god all holy shit.
Holy moly ya'll god-fucking shit.
破冰歌
看见地上一条缝，
灌上凉水就上冻。
如果不是冻化了，
谁知这里有条缝。
Song of Breaking Ice
I looked down and saw a crack on the ground,
Poured some cold water and it froze on.
If it wasn't for that the ice has melted,
Who'd know that there is a crack on the ground.
咏雪
什么东西天上飞，
东一堆来西一堆；
莫非玉皇盖金殿，
筛石灰呀筛石灰。
Praise of Snow
What the heck is flying above?
Here, there, everywhere, oh my god—
Could it be God building his temple,
Screening lime powder, shaking lime dust.
俺也写个大风歌
大炮开兮轰他娘，
威加海内兮回家乡。
数英雄兮张宗昌，
安得巨鲸兮吞扶桑。
I'ma Writa Song of the Great Wind Too
Blowing the big 'ol canon at his old lady—o,
Veni, vidi, vici, o I go back to hometown.
Talking about heroes o, hail to C. C. Chang,
Call me Moby-Dick o, I'ma swallow Japan down.
求雨
玉皇爷爷也姓张，
为啥为难俺张宗昌？
三天之内不下雨，
先扒龙皇庙，
再用大炮轰你娘。
Pray for Rain
God's got the same surname as I do,
Then why the hell won't he let me do?
If you don't rain, like, in three days,
I'll blow up your heaven,
And then your mom too.
另附：代拟张宗昌译《鲁拜集》一首
XCV
(from The Rubáiyát of Omar Khayyám
as translated by Edward FitsGerald, 3rd ed.)
And much as Wine has play'd the Infidel,
And robb'd me of my Robe of Honour—Well,
I wonder often what the Vintners buy
One half so precious as the stuff they sell.
《鲁拜集》·九五
酒他妈是个叛徒，
喝了就脱俺衣服。
卖酒的可真幸福，
奶奶的挨了个biu！
