你在这里

还记得贺梅案吗

你还记得贺梅案吗?如果不记得,可以谷歌或者百度,这里捡重要的说吧。

1995年,贺梅的生父贺绍强以学生签证来到美国亚利桑那州立大学留学,两年后又获奖学金和助教津贴进入田纳西州孟菲斯大学,贺梅生母罗秦后以陪读身份赴美,到美后很快怀上贺梅。在罗秦怀孕期间,贺绍强被来自中国的另一名女生指控性侵害,让贺绍强一家陷入经济、法律和移民身份的多重困境。作为权宜之计,他与罗秦在第三方见证下签订了一份法律文件,将出生仅4个多月女儿贺梅的临时监护权移交给当地一对白人Baker(贝克)夫妇。麻烦的是,这份见证方认定只用于过渡的临时监护权文件没注明任何时限。10个月后,为女孩的抚养权中美两个家庭进入法律拉锯战,官司从田纳西州地方法院一直打到最高法院,当亲生父母一方最终获胜后的第3天贺梅已整整8岁。7年诉讼,事件进程可用表格来罗列,法律条文可以用辩论来解读,而那些纠结的情感和伤痛,无法简单用言语传递。

2008年2月9日早已在美国失去合法身份的贺绍强率全家搭机飞回中国,受到国内各界热烈欢迎,甚至有媒体称他是中国好爸爸,为中国人争了光。贺绍强在湖南的一所大学找到了工作,贺梅计划入读一所英语教学的国际学校。但是没想到的是不久后,贺绍强与罗秦协议离婚,儿子跟贺绍强,两个女儿归罗秦。罗秦不愿子女分开,带着三个孩子回到家乡重庆,但没有钱负担三个孩子上民办双语教学的小学,还是四川外语学院附属双语学校的一位学生家长匿名为贺梅三姐弟缴齐了学费,让他们三人重返校园,同时贺绍强在湖南失业。2011年夏天贺梅携弟妹到美国孟菲斯度暑假,贝克家热情接待,这个消息当时曾在美国华人当中引发过轰动,不少人为贺梅的命运唏嘘,也为贝克夫妻的大爱叫好,后者表示,希望以后贺梅每个夏天都能访问他们,8月15日贺梅及其弟妹返回中国。

到此,这件事应该算是个无法美满但还算万幸的一个结局了,然而我没想到的是这其实只不过是开始,后来发生的事情我是最近才从孟菲斯当地(Local Memphis)新闻网络中看到的。

按美方的报道,贺绍强回国两个月以后抛弃了家庭,离婚过程很狗血。六年后到了贺梅上高中的年龄,罗秦觉得最好让她回美国上高中,于是给贝克夫妻打电话问他们是否可以接纳贺梅。当然贝克夫妻会说Yes,当时倾家荡产卖房子打官司不就是为了领养贺梅把她留在美国嘛,经历波折种种,如今生母居然同意送她回来,贝克夫妻生怕她反悔才对,不过好事还是双份的,贺梅的16岁的妹妹目前也住在贝克家里在美国读书。

今年春季,贺梅在美国即将高中毕业,如今她已经克服了对这件事情的恐惧不安,愿意面对媒体谈论曾讳莫如深的过去,包括从不谷歌自己的名字,她说,‌‌“记住我自己的过去是不可避免的,这是我的一部分,我应该拥抱真实的自我。‌‌”(Remembering something from my past is inevitable. It’s part of me and I should embrace the truth about myself)当然面对过去也包括谈论和自己已经疏远的爸爸贺绍强,说他只在向她索要照片的时候才会和她联系,他只是贴出我的照片,但从来不会做出了解我的努力,包括圣诞节或者我的生日,他不会给我买礼物,甚至不会给我打电话……‌”Excuse me?辛辛苦苦打了几年官司,那么多志愿者和免费律师的工作,难道最终是为了做这样的一个父亲?I am lost.

不过贺梅已经或者至少她自己认为已经走出了过去的阴影,她正在申请纽约的大学,并说自己未来的梦想是成为一个美国外交官,而经历如此一场讽刺转折的贝克夫妇也捐弃前嫌为目前的现状深感庆幸,他们非常为今天的贺梅、不、还是应该叫她Anna而自豪,Anna能说三种语言,而且个性阳光,她在申请大学的散文中写下了自己这几年的心路历程,读起来非常感人,我把文章贴在这里供懂英文的人自己阅读吧。

I often found myself waking up in someone else's arms; sometimes it was my mom,

occasionally, it was my dad, but mostly, I wasn’t even sure who it was. I just knew that I was
being carried by someone to somewhere very far away.

Before then , I remember being like my friends. I loved going to school and having
Pizza Friday. Show-n-tell was my favorite, because everyone’s eyes sparkled with astonishment
when they found out that my parents were different from me— they are Caucasian and I am
Asian

Soon I realized that I was different from my friends. Their pictures were not on tv or in
the newspaper. Strangers did not whisper and point at them. They were never checked out of
school to see a special doctor who drew pictures and repeatedly asked the same questions. I’d
come home crying to my mom, confused why these things were happening to me. She’d hug me,
telling me that everything will be okay, even though we both know it wasn't. It did not make
sense then. I was only eight years old when the arms of a psychologist snatched me. She tightly
gripped my waist and legs and I held onto the banister as if it were a rope that could save my life.
My tears blurred my vision, and soon, everything else that followed became a blur as well.
The next thing I knew, I moved to China. I was introduced to people who were
supposedly my “real” family, but I didn't feel that way. In front of the cameras, my biological
parents were all smiles. They took me and my siblings out for fancy meals, bragged about my
progress since the drastic move, and emphasized their love for me. But behind close doors, they
were the opposite. They sent me to boarding school, lived in a rundown neighborhood, and
divorced a few months after moving to China. I felt lonely, and I felt as if my childhood was in
the hands of everyone else except for me.

I could no longer perceive my reality anymore. I was a puppet, completely lifeless and
numb. From the many new reports to interviews, I soon found myself playing their game of “best
interest.” Whatever they wanted out of me, I gave them: The poor, innocent Chinese-American
girl who is a victim in two families’ feud for custody.

I later realized that I allowed my childhood to define me. After the Supreme Court
ruling that decided to send me to my biological parents was official, I felt out of place in China
and in the States. People always associated me with the situation rather than viewing me as a
child with actual interests and hobbies that I had. Sometimes, I was envious of other kids my age
who had a seemingly normal childhood; occasionally, I was in denial for how my childhood
played out in this not-so-ideal way; but mostly, I was lost in my own subconscious. I could not
pinpoint which family to claim, but most of all, who I was as an individual.

The truth is, it took years to finally realize that my situation helped me find my identity,
not hinder it. My life has been a journey, the departure was frightful, the road was windy, and the
destination was deceiving. But I came back home. I learned a new language and went to different
countries that were misrepresented. I learned to love my biological family and understand
multiple perspectives. I gained courage to share my story that once haunted me. Out of
everything that I once couldn’t understand, I learned to use those though circumstances to grow
me.
 

 

关键词: 
栏目: 

Theme by Danetsoft and Danang Probo Sayekti inspired by Maksimer